I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
