Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
