She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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