No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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