Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
