how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
