Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
