Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
