just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
