No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
