got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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