every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
