youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
