Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
