Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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