that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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