Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
