so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
