Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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