he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
no you cant smoke seaweed
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize