I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
