loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
