ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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