Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize