I accidentally burped into my bong.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
