just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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