Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my being single is dangerous.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
