i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
