it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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