dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
