Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
