I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's blow job season.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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