I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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