I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think your dad took our porno
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize