textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
