alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
