just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
