these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
NoShamevember. You game?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize