I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
