I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
