Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize