i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
