So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
