Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize