I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
