Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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