A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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