Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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