In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
