Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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