In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
