If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
