Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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