Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
false alarm. still invincible.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
