My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
