Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
this hospital has no fireball
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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