I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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