One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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