u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
