Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
