this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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