Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
