So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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