I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
