I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just found puke in my bra..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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