just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
